Bane you ask? And wtf is with that picture?? Well... that is an interesting story.But first, a quicky recap. So if you've been following along with my tale of online woes, (See all the previous posts before now), you'll know i went from regular D/s chat sites, to Gor chat sites, to Secondlife Gor chat sites, and now i've returned to the wonderful chaotic world of D/s, only now i'm trying it out for size on SL.
If you also recall, i felt as if i had this big giant sized curse on my ass preventing me from keeping an Owner, or any type of Home online for any length of time, through no fault of my own, (or it didn't seem like any of it was my fault anyways).
Well, returning to the world of D/s after being in Gor was a bit of a culture shock. It was still a bit odd trying to figure out how to talk and interact with O/others after doing roleplay for as long as i had. Actually, it shouldn't have been so difficult cause most of my time in Gorland i was dealing with drama that had NOTHING to do with roleplay.
So after getting all the fancy proper D/s gear 'n stuff, i began scoping out potential Owners. Turns out there are SOOOOOO many on SL that have NO clue about D/s at all! Most simply want to have sex on a poseball, or they want to collect as many subs/slaves as they can, (cause the one with the most wins i guess...), or they just want to carry a whip and/or spank and say they are Dominant. Oh! Or my favorite, the switches!
It seems that as i continued to search for 'quality', all i found was quantity... and not much of that. Turns out the amount of subs/slaves/switches WAY out-weighs the Dominants on SL, *sighs*.
But don't distress too much! FINALLY, i was contacted by Someone that truly seemed to have a clue! Her name was Zuri Simca.
She seemed interested in me, and after reading Her profile, i thought... YES! Someone GETS IT! She isn't on SL to have sex on a poseball, She's not here to do what 'i' want, and She's not looking to collect 20 billion subs/slaves. This might actually work!
i've always said and known that serving a real Dominant is difficult, but i was ready for the challenge. In my heart, i thought, finally i had found the perfect Owner for me.
There was a catch, She has a partner on SL named Gabriel Sion. i guess this shouldn't be a 'catch', but for me it was. i met Him, and TRULY TRULY disliked Him. i felt He was arrogant, and had no concept of D/s at all, and just a rude jerk.
Well... maybe i have a bit of a stubborn prideful streak in me too... *smiles extra sweetly*
In the end, i made an extra stupid decision. my Real life began getting a bit busy, cause now i was seein' a fella *smiles lots*. It began to get more and more difficult to be on SL, and after my meeting with Master Gabriel... i did the worst thing i could have done or have ever done in my entire online life... i began to think. Whats worse, is i began to think the wrong things. Eventually, i said screw it... i didn't need this Dominant couple, and just removed my items and poofed.
Mistress Zuri spoke with me, and made me feel worse than i already had about my decision. i tried not to let it bother me, but it really did, because i knew She was right.
i was cursed, and now i was making stupid decisions. Then i found out about something that might solve all my problems. i learned about The Bane.
The concept is based on a story called Eudeamon, (which you can read all about here). Basically, it is punishment through isolation and banishment, which some extra genius said they could re-create in SL.
The Bane can not interact with others, through speech, they can not hear others, their vision is clouded, they can not edit, or build items, they can't read notecards or open their inventory, they can't wear clothing other than the tight black latex, and even simple basic emotes are very limited and difficult to do.
i finally made a decision, that this was my future. i was cursed, and had hurt others, and felt there was no home for me. i was frustrated and just exhausted, so i had found Someone who would lock me forever in my banesuit, and keep me isolated from the world. This was both punishment for my actions, and to protect people from me so i would not hurt anyone anymore.
Oh, i see you rolling your eyes, but this truly is an extreme form of punishment... more so than i realized it would be in the beginning. Not hearing others is the most painful thing to experience. They talk, but you can't hear. you want to interact, but you can't. It truly winds up being very torturous and even a bit depressing. The picture above was how i appeared as Bane.
In time, Mistress Zuri saw me as a Bane, and felt this was perfect for me, and might teach me some things. Oh, yes its true i could not hear Her, and She could not hear me, but limited emotes were still possible, so there was basic communication.
In the end, She was right... again. It taught me focus and respect, and to truly appreciate others maybe more than i had in the past. It taught me to really appreciate ANY kindness my Owner allows me.
After almost a month of being Bane, my "Controller" chose to release me from my banesuit. Her reasons... well, they are complicated *smiles sweetly*. But maybe this was for the best, and destiny, because i was able to express my regrets to Mistress Zuri.
She offered to keep me, as a Bane. i would be Hers to control completely in ever way. i discovered it really hurts to be wrong, but She knows what is best for me, and i am so very grateful.
Oh but wait... i'm not wearing the tight latex catsuit in that picture...! Does this mean She did not keep me as Bane????
i guess i'll have to do another post for those answers and more
*smiles sweetly*
すき
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