Here i am...

So, by popular demand, i felt the need to do a blog.
kk, maybe not DEMAND... well, maybe for no reason whatsoever, but i'm here anyway dammit.

So where do i start?

i'm NOT starting at the beginning, cause thats what schools and bible classes are about. Maybe i should start at the end?

Maybe i should back up just a couple paces and start near the end.

Near the end, actually began maybe like fifteen years ago or so. First let me say i am NOT one of those people that say, "OH GOD NO!!!! Not RL!!!" i'm not afraid or ashamed. Well, to the point that i'm not giving out my home address or work phone number etc. i guess i know when to reign myself in and when its ok to give out some info.

i was born and live in a far away country called Florida. Trust me, spend some time here, and you'll understand. my Father is Japanese, and my mother is Italian and Irish. Basically this makes me a mutt. Actually because of the mix of heritage, the Asian part of me wants to submit, the Italian part wants to argue about it, then the Irish part wants to just get totally plastered.... *mmm*... i'll take a mudslide please *smiles sweetly*

Oh, and just to answer your question... i really don't speak Japanese. But sometimes i get lucky and can fake my way through a greet or sometimes i can read some, but thats about it. You see, growing up, i totally did not want to look Asian, (cause kids can be a bit cruel to anyone that looks different... go figure). my dad tried to teach me and my sister when we were growing up, but we didn't really care or want to learn or listen... typical pain in the ass brat. Hmm... i think i still am.

So here's the deal...
Its been said like a billion times in my life by others, that since i am of Japanese heritage, i MUST be submissive *sighs*... to which i will reply VERY loudly, Oh HELL NO!

Um... maybe i lie just a bit in my RL.

So, the TRUTH is, saying here and now... yes i ache to be submissive. i want to please and serve! i LOVE the idea of being controlled! Oh, and the clothes and bondage is pretty hot too *smiles innocently*

Now the question is, is this a TRUE stereotype about Japanese women, or is it just cause soooooo many people have 'told' me i am, that it sinks into my lil brain and my lil brain says 'um.. ok'.

Or maybe the reality is that i'm just a freak.

Either way, its not something i've EVER been brave enough to do in RL for like a billion reasons.

1. Because its freakin dangerous - kk, i hear you already, "Oh, but munches are perfectly safe!" HA! i imagine they are, but lets look at the facts. i'd be going myself, and exposing others as having a slave heart. Basically this is asking for trouble. Its putting a giant target on my back and aching for SOMEONE to take advantage of me. Even if there are tons of people there to keep an eye on me... it just isn't something i'm willing to do.

2. Family would NEVER understand - i have an older sis, and younger one. Plus i love my parents with all my heart and soul. Can you IMAGINE the conversation with my parents where i say to them that i want someone to control me and own me??? Yea, dad would freak, and mom would endlessly lecture about how i need to be a strong powerful woman and go out and kick ass take names etc etc blah blah.

3. Boyfriend - Oh, yes i am seeing someone RL, who has NO idea bout this kinda thing. i've sort of hinted around about it, but still, he has no clue, and the last thing i want to do is sub to a total noob. Maybe one day we will 'experiment' but he would think i'm a bit of a freak, cause of his reaction to this sorta thing in the past... so i don't talk about it. Does this mean i want to leave him for a Dominant?? Um... no... and i'll tell you why....

4. Virtual slavery - Maybe those that are 'hardcore' will read this and give me the lecture about "Oh, online is NOTHING like RL!!" UGH! If i hear ONE more person telling me about what i'm "MISSING", i'll lose my freakin' mind! Maybe this is true... prolly this is VERY true. But, its enough for me to 'get it out of my system'. Meaning i can be sub/slave online and it FEELS very real! Well, depending on the situation, but i can totally involve myself in whats going on online and i stop typing in front of a puter and suddenly i'm there! Its cool, and scary, and exciting, and hot and all the other powerful things you can imagine!

Does this mean i'll NEVER do anything in D/s in RL? Eh...maybe, maybe not. But it has to be RIGHT, not half-assed, and not out of any sort of 'desperation'. IF i happen to meet Someone who i get along with VERY well in RL on a social level, THEN i discover they are totally Domme, i would consider it very seriously, but ONLY if i feel they have a clue.

Oh... did i just say Domme? Yea, thats i guess the other 'catch'. i don't think i would ever feel right being sub to guy. It feels... dangerous. Maybe thats a bit too extreme a word. It feels... wrong. i guess i want to be equal to guys, and because guys a bit bigger than me, it feels more unsafe. Well, my b/f is no body builder, i mean he's slender, but even still... guys have this whole... testosterone thing that makes them a bit unpredictable i guess, and maybe... dangerous.

Sorry.

Oh, but that opens ANOTHER can of crap! Am i 'bi'? Well, if i am, i'm not very good at it. Publicly, nobody knows of my interest in being with another woman. And actually in RL, i've only been with three other women. But its always been very secretive and behind closed doors. But i've also had three regular b/f's in my life. Those have been public yes. Again, like D/s, it has to be the RIGHT person. i'm no slut. Never have been and never will be. And honestly, until you get to know me, i'm a bit shy and quiet... oh and after, i never shut the hell up.

So there's the set up...

Where have i been?

i started my chat world in Yahoo chat rooms, (when they had cool user chat rooms before skynet bots took over). Then i got advanced in IRC, and then to Chat Emporium, and later Chatropolis where i spent a good portion of my life being a pain in the ass to E/everyone there *smiles sweetly*

i had some FANTASTIC times! i met some VERY cool P/people and made a lot of very good friends (Kari, Linda, Soft, Lil Princess... GODD i miss you all so much!). And i met some not so good people. For as many good times as i had, i had about as many horrible painful days online too.

Oh... maybe this is a good place to end for now?
To be continued...

すき