What did I miss???

It has been a loooong time since i've written anything here! In fact, i forgot i was writing until someone found it! Oh i'll have to explain that but for now...

What have you missed?

Yes, i still have a boyfriend and he's wonderful and we love each other a lot, but he works and goes to school a lot too, so i have maybe too much time to myself sometimes. Oh then sometimes, not nearly enough. And maybe You're saying "WOW! Why aren't you married yet???" Like his family and my family and my friends say. Well, did i mention he's still trying to get a bachelor's degree? Neither of us are in a hurry for marriage, and things go well the way they are so i don't see any rush for a piece of paper. Maybe i should push him? *rolls my eyes a bit* Most likely 'push him away' if i try to push. We are happy together and sometimes it is frustrating not spending as much time with him as i'd like but he takes good care of me and we do love each other lots and lots. We are not 'attached at the hip' and don't talk every day because of our schedules, but it only makes things more perfect when we do talk or hook up *swoons*

Now that i've gotten the happy fluffy out of the way... let's all turn to the darkside a bit *smiles innocently*

So remember how i said i would NEVER do anything in real life with slavery? *sighs* Never say never. A couple of years ago, i moved in with Someone i know and have known for most of my life. We've always been very close and i trust Her with my life with anything and everything. But for some reason, we have never talked about BDSM things. Until after i moved in with Her. Then one day i just sorta started my rant about my feelings. Now you have to remember, She also went away for school for a few years of my life and have only recently re-hooked up with her, when She needed a roommate and i was eager to move away from my parents, (oh i still love them but a girl can't live with mommy and daddy forever! Well... maybe i could have *smiles sweetly*).

So as i was giving Her my slavery feelings rant and such, She tells me She has been studying more and more about being Dominant for many years of her life but only had a chance to really explore it when She went away for school. So... it seemed a perfect match and it didn't take too much for us to both accept that She needed to train me to be Her slave in real life. *gasp* the impossible??? *shrugs*

Well, it didn't happen right away because She wanted to take time to do it right. She created a very detailed legal document for me to sign giving myself to Her for 3 months officially. Everything i owned and did, became Hers. That is a very harsh slap in the face for someone who is used to having her freedom! It was sort of a case of, becareful what you wish for...

We also arranged for me to quit my job for these months for me to focus on my duties here for a while. When we first started talking about it, i was nervous but very excited and curious! Then when it all began, i hated it and regretted it and just wanted my freedom back. i spent many nights in a small cage or in some form of bondage crying myself to sleep in frustration. i was nervous and confused and it felt like i could never do anything right and i was angry many times. If not for the contract, i would have run away, if it was possible. But there was no chance for me to 'escape' if i wanted to because She kept me very dependant on Her for everything. It was like the person that i've known all my life, was suddenly replaced by Someone else very dark and scary. She wasn't playing...

Then after maybe a month or so, something inside me snapped i guess, and i started to accept things and stopped resisting and arguing and strugging so much. Then suddenly, things began to be rewarding and almost enjoyable for me. i NEVER want to feel a whip or electricity or gags, or harsh tight painful extensive bondage again... and that was a very good motivation to me, as much as i hated that experience. i reached a breaking point where all i wanted to do was please Her and i stopped thinking about myself so much. i guess that was the point?

Anyway, don't get too many cheap thrills from all this. It was not really sexual. Occasionally i had to pleasure Her sexually, and maybe once in a while when She felt i earned it, She gave me an orgasm with a vibrator or her fingers, but sex with us was (is) very very rare. Maybe a couple times a month if that much.

So at the end of the contract, it was not so easy to return to 'normal' life, without feeling like i was changed inside and still feeling an obligation to Her. Maybe in some ways, She still owns me? *shrugs* i don't think anyone could break free of this type of hold that a good Dominant creates on a girl.

But that was real life. Now what about Second life?

i started going back there fairly regularly after a bit of a hiatus to deal with real life for a while. Maybe after my time of slavery in real life, i look for a surrogate or to feel the same things i felt here, but only in a virtual world. *shrugs* i'll let the psychiatrists figure me out.

Most in SL (SecondLife) have no clue about real slavery. Most in SL only want to 'get off' and look for some sex fantasy, or they are eager to be a slave one day themselves. Or they want romance, or to take someone into real life and out of a virtual world. Finding someone who enjoys/accepts/appreciates Roleplay in a virtual world, who understands slavery is VERY rare!

Well, a year or so ago, i find Someone who has a clue! It was all those things i felt from RL (real life)! Intense, demanding, awesome, scary, and i respected Her as a Dominant very much. She controlled my SL through RLV methods and through roleplay and it sort of helped me relive all those feelings i had in RL.

Until...

Maybe i was foolish... maybe i was too eager to please Her? i don't know... But i trusted Her with my password into my SL account, because as She explained it, i'm Her property and if She chose to do something with me, while i was offline, it is Her right. i accepted that and gave Her that information. *sigh*

Things were great for almost a year with Her. Difficult, harsh, demanding, frustrating, uncomfortable... until suddenly one day, i log in and i'm naked looking like a noob in the middle of nowhere. WTF????

She stole everything. Everything... my items, skin, hair, shape, shoes, clothes... Everything *sigh* i tried many many times to contact Her, but She removed Herself from my friends list and never replied. i thought at first, was this a test??? Was there a purpose to this maybe??? So i was obedient (stupid) and waited and waited and hoped one day, She would reappear with all my things (or more?). Then after about a month, Her profile vanished from SL *sigh*

MY STUFF!!!! Well... does a slave own anything? That is a tricky question and i spent a lot of time trying to figure it out myself. Where is the line of me being foolish, and me being a slave go? *shrugs* It happened, and there is nothing i could do about it now. If i reported Her at this point, i doubt there is anything anyone could do because i gave Her my password! Oh well... Time to move on i guess.

i did take a few months away from SL, but eventually decided to try again because i know the possibility for a good Owner is there, so i thought i would try again but i would be a bit more careful this time. So here i was, wondering through the hills of SL in search of a new Owner, sort of still looking like a noob cause things are not so cheap! Plus, i started to work on my appearance, but it took me a loooong time for me to be happy with my previous shape, so it wasn't so easy to convince myself to work so hard AGAIN on it! *sigh* i think part of me just considered leaving SL.

i talked to a few decent Dominants, (and many not so decent), but eventually i found Laura Eun

i remembered Her name from long ago because She owned one of the groups i was in, and i remember She had a huge mall that i could buy stuff in. So when i was looking through the group for a new Owner, perving at profiles, i saw Her name and thought i would check out Her mall and see what i've missed since i was away for so long. But the links to Her mall didn't work, so i politely sent a message telling Her that they were missing.

Well, after a short conversation... um... i am now Her property.
Maybe this is enough for now, and i can continue going on about the good and bad with Her in my next rant...
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